Friday, January 4, 2013


Time for a reboot!  And no, not like that show from the 90's where the NPCs in the video games were actually self-aware living beings.  PS: That show was awesome.  Anyway, I haven't updated this blog in, oh, I dunno... almost 2 years?  So now I'm hiding all the posts and starting fresh from right here.  Oh, and did I mention I got divorced?  So it's like my entire life is rebooting, really.

So let us begin.

In a month, I'll be 26 years old.  5 of those 26 years I was stuck in a marriage that ended up not working out.  Plus, we dated for a solid year before the marriage.  And we probably dated off and on for at least a year throughout high school.  That means that, all told, my ex-wife used up about 27% of the time I've been alive.

I guess a few more minutes can't hurt, so let's get to ranting!

As the divorce moved along, she asked me not to air our dirty laundry and tell everybody what all happened.  Well now it's MY dirty laundry, so here's what happened: my ex-wife had a serious problem communicating.  That doesn't seem to warrant divorce, I know, but keep listening.  She was basically like a teapot.  If I annoyed her or angered her a little, it would get her a little heated, but she wouldn't say anything.  After a while, though, I'd say just enough that she'd be boiling with anger, and rather than finally talking, she'd go off on me.  There were many times where I'd say that one last thing wrong and she'd start yelling at me for stuff I had done 2 days before.  It was confusing as hell.  Did it warrant divorce?

Nah, not really.

That was, it didn't at first.  At first, her communication problems just got me yelled at.  Eventually, though, she stopped yelling at me almost entirely.  Somewhere along the line, she started yelling to somebody else about me.  And there's where the problem started.  The guy she was complaining to had already decided that he had to have a piece of her.  So he took her side, told her what a terrible husband I was, and did his best to woo her.

And woo her he did.

It wasn't long before she was staying later and later after work, spending time with this other guy.  And it didn't take long for him to make his move.  At this point, she could've easily said "wait, no, I don't want anything to do with you!"  But she caved.  She let things happen.  And the worst part of it all?

She didn't stop.

It wasn't a one-time thing.  It wasn't her just "getting it out of her system."  It was a full-blown affair.  Now, sure, I wasn't the best husband.  Yeah, I played a lot of video games and could've paid her more attention.  But dammit, I wasn't a BAD husband, and I did, in fact, pay plenty of attention.  More attention than she realized.  I noticed that she wasn't yelling as much.  I noticed that she didn't always come home on time.  And I noticed that she spent an awful lot of time talking to somebody on the computer.

Now, some people will say it was intrusive, and that I shouldn't have, but I stand by my actions.  I confronted her.  I asked her what was going on.  I pleaded with her to talk to me about what was bothering her.  But she just dismissed me and acted like everything was peachy.  She forced my hand.  I had to do it.  If she wasn't going to talk to me, it was the only way.

I spied on her.

And if her cheating was a full-blown affair, so was my spying.  I logged into her accounts, checked her chat logs, read her emails, skimmed through her texts, showed up randomly to her job, and did everything I could to find out as much as I could.  The really terrible part is that I started digging through her private life because I wanted to calm my fears.  I wanted to find nothing.  I wanted all the dirt on her to show that she was being honest, and that everything really was fine.  But nothing was fine.  I confronted her about it again, armed with knowledge.  Instead of expressing guilt or regret, she could only be angry that I had uncovered her secrets by spying on her.  Oh, how dare I.  What could be worse than spying on your spouse?!

Oh, I dunno, let me think...

Her affair just got worse and worse.  I did everything I could to be a better husband, but it didn't change anything.  She stopped even pretending to care about me anymore.  The only way I could connect with her at all or know what she was feeling was to spy on her.  And the dual-life she led sickened me.  It wasn't just the affair.  She lied about everything.  Since I knew about the affair, she would use me as an outlet to complain about her boyfriend.  She'd make jokes about him and say positive things about me to my face.  Later I'd find out that she would be simultaneously texting him, praising him for the things she'd joked about and telling lies about me to boost his ego.  It was infuriating.

But now it's over.

I joined the Air Force, moved away, and she stayed behind.  I had hoped that she would move with me, that she would give him up and come live a better life somewhere else.  I wanted us both to reboot, to restart our lives together.  But she seems to think that life with her new boyfriend is a much better idea.  From all accounts, though, I'm living it up while she's struggling.  I really can't feel sorry for her at this point.  She's made her choice, and I've made mine.  So now, the only thing left to say, I guess, is...


1 comment:

Heather McWhorter said...

I found your blog. Who's the stalker now??? hahaha. In my defense though, you did give me a website with links to your entire internet life on it. lol.

As I read this post, I felt like I was reading my own life. My husband stopped talking to me too and when he did he just lied like everything was fine and nothing was wrong, but I could tell there was. Like you, I noticed the changes as well.

Anyway, I confess, I spied on him too. It was literally the only way I was going to know what was really going on. And like you, every time that I did, I wanted to find nothing. I wanted to be able to say to myself "See? You were being paranoid about nothing!" But it was always something. Sometimes I found out about girls he was planning to hookup with and other times it was just internet chatting and dating sites. Once it was a coworker he planned an out-of-town romantic getaway with to the SAME place we had our honeymoon. That's messed up.

I just wanted to tell you that I understand all too well what you went through.

Congratulations on the fresh start! There will be better things ahead for you, I can tell. :) You're an awesome guy, you deserve to be happy. And I'm sure now that you've moved on, you will be.